We are having some issues over here at the Liddle house. Ingrid has been sick and clingy, whiny, non sleeping, crabby, you name it, she's felt it in the span of six seconds...I'm trying really hard to just go with it, let her have her phase of being crabby and sick, nurse her through it with cuddles and patience, but after a week of this, my patience has run out. I'm going on very little sleep and at 2am, when she's screaming in her bed but doesn't actually want or need anything, it's very hard to see this as a small glitch in our routine. I start thinking things will NEVER go back to "normal" (whatever that is, anyway...) Things start becoming massively important, like if we take her into our bed to sleep another night, she'll absolutely never learn how to sleep on her own again. Or if I go in there to calm her, she'll be up at 2am every single night of her life and I'll never once get another good night's sleep.
Last night the only thing that got me through was Sarah's post and knowing every mom goes through a period of wondering what the hell is going on with their kid. This is why I love the blog world! I feel so much support from other moms whether they know it or not. Whether I've met them or not. Whether the issues are the same or not. Just knowing other moms are up at all hours and dealing with their kids makes me feel a little calmer.
So last night as Ingrid cried on, I just kept saying to myself every minute she cries is a minute closer to morning. Be consistent, she'll fall asleep eventually. And she did. After an hour, many many trips into her room to rub her back and give her a hug and put her blanket back on her, after an hour of cries and wails of mamamama, she fell asleep and slept until 8am. It was a very small blip in the big picture, one measly hour, but man, in the heat of the moment when all I want to do is go back to bed and curl up under the blankets and go to SLEEP already, it seemed huge. Alas, it was not.
The same is true of her two days of not napping. It really drove me crazy to see her rubbing her eyes and asking for her blankets and books only to put her down in her bed and listen to her jumping and singing and not sleeping. And then getting her out of bed only to have her cry at every single thing that happened because she was so tired. I was so crazy I almost started to cry. Not only does SHE need the naps, but dammit, so do I!! I work so hard every day taking care of her and the house, those two hours of her sleeping are my only time to calm down!! And then people would tell me their kid stopped napping right around now and I seriously had a meltdown. Brendan took Ingrid out of the house to drive around and let me nap, I was so upset.
And now, with my cup of coffee in hand and a clear head from six straight hours of sleep, I can see that it's probably not the end of her naps, it's probably just a phase. I need to just roll with it, let her talk in her crib if she wants to, not force a nap on her if she's just not going to, not get so upset if once or twice she doesn't nap. Keep trying and just ride this wave of her being sick and everything getting out of whack. I really want to be that calm mom who goes with the flow, but it's a struggle. I have to physically tell myself to remember that, it is so completely not in my nature to do so. I want to be in control of everything and have things go my way, and sadly, with kids it's just not possible. So instead of fighting Ingrid, I'm going to fight my urge to have everything under my control. Let go, roll with it.