The past couple weeks I have been extremely tired. Like falling asleep at 8pm tired, not being able to wake up even with the smell of coffee tired, taking a two hour nap with Ingrid tired. I thought it was just a medicine I had started, but after talking with a friend that is a nurse and familiar with this drug, she said fatigue isn't a side effect. So I started looking at other things that had been going on and thought "Oh crap, I've been tired like I was tired when I got pregnant."
Brendan and I were dead set on only having one child. A couple months ago we started talking about perhaps having another when Ingrid is at least 2. But we decided we'd think more seriously about it after we're done here in MI and we move and buy a house. So a baby is not in the near future for us. I would of course be happy if that were the case, but at the same time IT IS TOO SOON!! Ingrid isn't always sleeping through the night, she just started walking, she's still in diapers, she can't talk in sentences. She is a toddler but still a baby, you know?
So...a trip to Target and a negative pregnancy test later (I must just be tired) it really has me thinking about how many kids I want. I love Ingrid to death and she is so much fun and so cute and gives me so much happiness. I want to give her everything she needs and be able to travel with her and do fun things with her. But then I think of how much I like my relationship with my sister and I want that for Ingrid, too. And I think having another baby would be good because I have so much more experience now after Ingrid's first year that I could use for another one. And would another child really make it impossible to travel and do fun things as a family?
There are just so many things in my head and I keep going back and forth and it's silly, really, because we're not even there yet! We don't have to make a decision, I'm only 32, I still have a few childbearing years ahead of me. It just sucks to always have this on my mind. I liked it better when Ingrid was a baby and I was super sure I didn't want anymore.