Happy At Home

So I thought a lot about the pros and cons of Ingrid in school and talked it over with the mister.  I thought he'd be against taking her out, since he's a pretty traditional school kind of guy.  But luckily he didn't have any major issues with it.  I think he's noticed a change in her, too.  And I don't know, it just seems my gut instinct that it was school that made for the change in her attitude.

One thing I have issues with is how gregarious Ingrid is.  I worry she needs that time with other kids her age.  Today we went to the children's museum and she ran right up to a kid her age and said "HI!  Let's be friends, okay?"  And then they played together until we went to the next installation.  She loves other kids, I don't want her to be denied that.  Are play dates, story times and outings enough?  I kind of like it because it will mean she and Otis kind of have to rely on each other and play together, and if I have siblings, I might as well have ones that like each other, right? 

Anyway, this week has been so nice, just playing and painting, coloring, going outside.  Ingrid has helped me with laundry, wiping off the tables, cleaning the bathroom, making dinner.  She has had zero temper tantrums and only a couple times she cried, both at the end of the day when everyone is crabby and hungry and tired.  Otherwise she is singing, playing with her toys, coming up to me and hugging me, saying "I like you, mom."  She plays with Otis, shares with him, is overall just happier.

It just makes me happy.  I have to sign her up for next fall already next week, which feels kind of funny, like we just made this big decision to keep her home but I have to decide about next fall right now.  Oh well, we'll cross that bridge when we get there.  Maybe 4 is magic for her, she'll be totally fine.  And if not, I won't hesitate to pull her out again!

My Big Girl, at SCHOOL!

Seriously, people, Ingrid is huge now!  She is just getting so big and mature and she just turned three.  I feel like it was forever ago that she was a baby. 

Yesterday was her first day at preschool.  She loved it!!  As soon as she woke up she was begging to go.  She wore her backpack with her pjs until it was time to get dressed.  She ran up the stairs into Miss Carrie's house, ran right to her first project, and didn't even look at me when I said good bye.  I said it a couple more times until she finally called over her shoulder "Okay, mama, bye!" 

Some people cry at leaving their child for the first time.  I did not.  I immediately got home, put Otis down for his nap, and sewed like a madwoman!  I got SO MUCH accomplished in the few hours she was gone, it was awesome!  I got washcloths listed, made a couple sets of cloth wipes and listed those, even got the front of a robot quilt done.  Otis was asleep for a couple hours, then he woke up and was cuddly and smiley, then he ate, and it was time to go get Ingrid.  What a great morning!

The teachers said she just jumped right in, and they were helping her learn what each thing was for.  "Miss Jamie could barely keep up with her," they said, which is code for damn, she's got a lot of energy!  But they took it in stride and seemed to like her enthusiasm.  Good.  We came home with some paintings and drawings she had done and she passed out for a two hour nap directly after coming home. 

Tomorrow is another day, we'll see how she does with it after the novelty wears off.  I have a feeling she'll like it, she needs social time with other people, as she is a social person and is stuck at home with me and her little brother all the time.  When we go to the park and there are other kids there, she runs over and gives them these huge hugs that make me think she is starved for other kids! 

We also found out about a couple other Montessori public schools in the area that have openings for their K3 program, so it looks like we will be able to send her in the fall!  Exciting!  The one in our neighborhood is one of the most popular schools in the city so they basically laughed at me when I asked if I get her in.  There is a 90 child waiting list.  So we have to drive her to another school instead of walking to our neighborhood school, which pisses me off.  But, what are you gonna do?  I will enroll her in another school for this year and then for K4 hopefully we can get her in the one in our neighborhood. 

All this from a person that wasn't even sure I wanted to send her to school at all!  Brendan is amazed by my switch.  But I think it's all to do with Montessori.  It really seems to gel well with Ingrid's personality, and it's not the same old school like I had.  I just see her being so advanced and mature for her age and I cringe to think of her with the basic stuff I had to do.  I was SO bored in school.  I don't want that for her.  If she can be in a Montessori school I think it will be better for her.  Yay MPS for having Montessori schools--like six or seven of them! 

Another Post About the Second Kid

I'm still enjoying the fact that I'm way more laid back about Otis.  Every day I realize how things change and we go with the flow and change what we need to and I just don't stress.  His "bed time" which I use loosely, is ever changing.  I usually get him ready and then bundle him up in a blanket and either nurse him to sleep or he hangs out in my arms for awhile and eventually falls asleep while I'm snuggled on the couch.  Then when I'm ready for bed I bring him in with me. 

With Ingrid I would rock her and feed her and she would take forever to fall asleep and I would get so irritated because the day had been super long and I just wanted to relax finally.  I would put her in bed and listen to her cry and sigh and go back in.  It was stressful. 

Naptimes are similar.  I put Otis in the Moby and go about our way in the morning, either cleaning the house or doing laundry or walking to the park.  Whatever the case, Otis falls asleep almost instantly and will sleep for an hour or so.  I never pay attention to how long he's been sleeping.  This happens a couple times a day, he sleeps here and there in the Moby or in my arms while I try to rest in the afternoon.  I don't pay attention to how many naps he gets, or how long they are.  I don't worry about how much sleep he's getting or not getting, I just go by his personality.  If he seems like he needs to sleep, I put him in the Moby and walk around. 

With Ingrid I would try to put her down for her naps at the same time every day, I was stuck at home for nap time.  I would freak out if she didn't fall asleep right away or sleep for long enough or especially if she didn't sleep at all.  Worry worry worry.  Is that inevitable in the life of a first time mom?? 

Otis is also just fed whenever.  I don't know if it's been one hour, three hours, four hours.  I just hear him get fussy, try to figure out which side he should be on, and nurse him.  And again, I follow his moods and he lets me know when he needs to eat. 

With Ingrid I bottle fed and therefore was so concerned with how many ounces she was consuming, I knew in x-amount of hours I had to feed her.  And oh man, just having to travel with bottles and formula and water, it was so much extra work.  I'm so glad to be breast feeding this time around!

It sounds like I am regretting what I did with Ingrid, and that's not really true.  Sure I wish I had known I could've nursed  her with my meds, and yes I wish I had known about babywearing sooner than six months old.  But I did the best I could, and believe it or not, I still consider myself to have been a laid back first time mom.  I'm just realizing how much I've learned in the past three years and how much my parenting style has changed and how much better this works for me.

What have you done differently with baby number 2 or 3? 

Second Time Around

I'm realizing just how different the second time is when mothering.  My four months with Otis have been so different than Ingrid's first four months!  As I sit here typing this, Otis is asleep in the Moby, as he would not be put down this morning.  Instead of worrying that he "needs" to learn how to sleep laying down in a bed, I just popped him in and walked around to get him to sleep.  And I'm enjoying listening to his little breaths and feeling his warmth up against me!

With Ingrid I felt rigid.  Instead of going with the flow, I worried every time there was a change.  I had to be home for naptime, I had to feed her at the same time, I read books that told me I had to start solids at a certain time, I had to have a bedtime routine, I had to let her learn how to soothe herself.  I felt like it was this monumental job that I couldn't screw up on, or else there would be major repercussions throughout Ingrid's whole life.  If I did something wrong once it was going to turn into a habit that could not be broken. 

Ahhhh, how glad I am I'm not that way with Otis!  I don't know if it's knowledge or necessity or a bit of both, but I just glide through our days without even thinking about things like that!  He sleeps when he sleeps, he eats when he eats, if he's not happy I put him in a carrier and then he is happy.  It just hit me that he's four months old in a couple days and I hadn't even thought about what milestones he "should" be reaching.  Cooing, smiling, reaching for toys, grasping things, finding his toes, holding his head up, sitting, whatever he's supposed to be doing, I don't care!  He does what he does.  He'll do more as time goes on. 

I wish I could go visit myself three years ago and tell myself to relax, take a deep breath, and look at the big picture.  Now I see how fast the days and months go and I'm enjoying every second of Otis growing, instead of thinking of the next thing he should be doing or saying I can't wait until he's older and can walk/talk/sleep etc.  He'll do all those things.  In the meantime I'm going to laugh every time I hear his first giggles and stare at him while he sleeps next to me and wear him before he starts squirming. 

Preschool? Or not?

Ingrid is getting to that age where I'm starting to think about preschool next year.  At first I was against it, thinking we already do lots of fun things throughout the day and she is obviously a smart cookie and learning enough from her dear old mom.  But then the other day we were painting and I thought oh, how much would she love to do this with other kids?  Or play with other kids instead of having to beg Brendan and I to play block towers again?  Or just have some time away from her crab apple of a mom a couple times a week?  It started to sound like a good idea for her.  For me, I would totally take the few hours a week break.  I hear everyone gets teary dropping their kid off to school for the first time and I just don't get it--although when it's my turn I'm sure I would be the same way...

Anyway, so other than the fact that preschool is EXPENSIVE around these parts, something else made me pause and rethink sending Ingrid away for her learning experiences.  Someone posted something about their 3 1/2 yo getting homework from preschool??!!  It totally disgusted me. 

Have you heard about this?  Homework for that young?  I'm sure it's not a worksheet of algebra problems, but still.  The point, to me, of preschool is getting the kids together to learn how to work together, how to sit and listen, how to interact with other kids.  It's not to learn things academically.  I don't expect my preschool to teach Ingrid her ABCs or 123s, or how to read.  I just want her to play and learn how to deal with other people her age.  And that doesn't seem to me to be something that a send home worksheet could do.  So I started to think about what I would do if Ingrid was sent home some stupid piece of homework and I got all riled up. 

I looked up online and came across a teacher's website where teachers were talking about the pros and cons of homework for young children.  Some said the kids needed to get used to it for higher grades, but I disagree.  Others said they only gave things out to kids who needed more help, or maybe a monthly thing like cut out pictures of a certain color or something.  I can see that, I guess.  One teacher said she does it to make sure parents are involved, but isn't the point of homework for the kids to do it?? 

I'm still unsure.  I know I have a choice when it comes time to send her or not, and where to send her if I do, so I don't know why I'm freaking about this.  I just hate the idea of not having control over her education!!  Of having her be one of 20 kids instead of my lovely Ingrid who's so smart and sassy and funny.  I've got a year to figure it out I guess...

Back to School Already?

Truly the end of summer approaching us here.  I was about to get all pissy that the back to school stuff has taken over all of Target, but then I realized people are probably starting school in a few weeks...I am once again so glad I am not in school!

Have I ever told you how much I loved/hated school?  Brendan and I were just talking about that as we watched the movie Dazed and Confused.  There's a scene showing the last day of school and how excited everyone is and Brendan said that was always his favorite.  I was a nerd, my favorite was the first day of school.  It always held so much promise--would there be new kids to befriend?  Any cool new teachers?  What would I learn that year?  Seriously, NERD!

Somewhere in the mix I started hating school though, I just stopped caring.  Learning was still cool, but damn, there is so little of that going on when you have 25 other kids in your class, all of whom are going at a slower pace than you are.  I thought college would be so much better and then that was just full of those same people I hated in high school.  So school became this horrible thing I felt I had to get through. 

Every semester was the same, I'd get all excited about my new classes and my new notebooks and folders and pens.  I'd be really pumped to read the books on our list, and I'd make it to class in time to get a good seat.  Then a couple weeks into it I would realize no one else was talking or asking questions but me and maybe one other person, so basically we were just getting talked at.  I'd think, shoot, I don't have to get out of bed for this!  And then I'd end up crying on the phone to one of my good friends about how much I hated school and where was I going with it and did I really have to go? 

One semester I decided that no, I did not have to go through with it.  Not if I didn't want to, which I obviously didn't.  I had a good nannying job, I liked my life how it was, I didn't have a set path so school was just a thing I was paying for but not enjoying.  So I quit.  And boy did that feel good!!  I have never once looked back and thought it was a bad thing.  I nannied, I got married, I had my own kid, I started my etsy shop.  Things are okay.

But now I'm a mom and I wonder what I'll say to Ingrid if she tells me she doesn't want to go to college.  I realize that had I gone and just done it and stayed in for five years I would've at least gotten a degree, even if I never used it.  I sometimes wish my parents had forced me to go.  But then again, this is me, and my life has been my life because of the choices I've made.  Who would I be if I had gone to college right out of high school?  On the other hand, look at my husband:  college done in four years, took a couple years off, got his phd, and now he's all set to get a kick ass job.  I'd much rather see Ingrid do that than watch her struggle through her 20s like I did...

Anyway, back to school time always makes me think of these things.  Part of me wants to go buy new folders and pens and part of me is glad that I can travel during the fall and not have to worry about a school schedule.