Happy At Home

So I thought a lot about the pros and cons of Ingrid in school and talked it over with the mister.  I thought he'd be against taking her out, since he's a pretty traditional school kind of guy.  But luckily he didn't have any major issues with it.  I think he's noticed a change in her, too.  And I don't know, it just seems my gut instinct that it was school that made for the change in her attitude.

One thing I have issues with is how gregarious Ingrid is.  I worry she needs that time with other kids her age.  Today we went to the children's museum and she ran right up to a kid her age and said "HI!  Let's be friends, okay?"  And then they played together until we went to the next installation.  She loves other kids, I don't want her to be denied that.  Are play dates, story times and outings enough?  I kind of like it because it will mean she and Otis kind of have to rely on each other and play together, and if I have siblings, I might as well have ones that like each other, right? 

Anyway, this week has been so nice, just playing and painting, coloring, going outside.  Ingrid has helped me with laundry, wiping off the tables, cleaning the bathroom, making dinner.  She has had zero temper tantrums and only a couple times she cried, both at the end of the day when everyone is crabby and hungry and tired.  Otherwise she is singing, playing with her toys, coming up to me and hugging me, saying "I like you, mom."  She plays with Otis, shares with him, is overall just happier.

It just makes me happy.  I have to sign her up for next fall already next week, which feels kind of funny, like we just made this big decision to keep her home but I have to decide about next fall right now.  Oh well, we'll cross that bridge when we get there.  Maybe 4 is magic for her, she'll be totally fine.  And if not, I won't hesitate to pull her out again!

Family Size

We had the talk last night.  Are we done, for sure, having kids??  I think we are.  Brendan is anyway.  I'm about 80% sure.  And when we were deciding on whether or not to have another after Ingrid, I was 80% sure I wanted one.  So...I think we're done. 

I have to wrap my mind around that one.

A few people I know are pregnant right now for number 3, and even though Otis is still a baby, I was a little envious when I found out.  Then I found out another friend is pregnant for number 2 and she got pregnant when her baby was Otis' age.  Sigh...I hate being pregnant, I'm remembering last summer how sick I was, how miserable I was in the heat even though I wasn't big.  How life seemed to stop while I laid on the couch for months at a time.  And let's not forget the whole three week hospital bedrest ordeal!  And yet I'm envious of pregnant women??  What's that all about?

We were dead set on having an only child, and I do have to say I'm glad we changed our minds.  Watching Ingrid be a big sister is amazing, she loves to make Otis laugh and talks baby talk to him.  Yesterday morning she got up and said "Where's my Otis boy?"  And Otis is nothing but smiles for his big sister, even though she's not gentle with him at all.  He gets smacked in the face by her foot or gets a hug that suffocates him, and all he does is gurgles and smiles like it's the best thing in the world.

So another one?  I could do it.  I loved this past six months with Otis.  Using the Moby, nursing him, sharing a bed with him.  He's now settling down for naps on his own, bedtime on his own, he can sit in his Bumbo for a half hour or so at a time, or on his play gym and be content while I get things done.  By the time another Bub would be here, he'd be walking and eating solid food and would be a toddler!  So yeah, I could do it.

But Brendan says he doesn't want to.  And I can see the pros of being done now.  I could finally lose all the weight I've gained birthin' babies.  Ingrid will be off to school soon and it'll be just me and the Fat Man.  We can sort of travel right now, we have a parent for each child so it makes it easier to keep an eye on them.  It's kind of like we have the best of both worlds--our kids each have a sibling and we still have a relatively calm household. 

It's just hard to say never.  I've heard women say they just knew when they were done, they knew their families were complete.  I don't have that gut reaction, I could still imagine another one.  But I also am enjoying our new life back in Milwaukee, the idea of buying a house and making it our home.  I don't really want to be pregnant for another one.  So, I guess we're done. 

Hold On a Second...

That phrase comes out of my mouth about seventeen thousand times a day.  Seriously, hold on Ingrid, I'm feeding your brother.  Hold on, Otis, I'm just putting this laundry away.  Hold on, whoever is calling me, I'm making dinner.  Hold on, hold on, hold on.  I have been feeling so pulled in a million directions lately, it's driving me nuts!!

I used to pride myself on being able to multitask.  I think that was at a time when, if I got the things on my list done, I got to go home.  Now, though, the list just keeps on going.  If I finish ten things, there are just going to be ten more things to do after that.  So I'm not as motivated to do things, maybe.  Whatever the case, I have been seriously behind on lots of things, trying to focus is hard, and I'm always telling Ingrid to hold on. 

I'm just starting to realize how different her life is from just a few months ago.  I know every kid goes through this and every mom goes through feeling guilty, but it just hit me how hard this must be for her to have a new sibling, move, have a crabby mom all the time.  She keeps saying things like "I need you to take care of me, I want you to play with me, I need you."  And I always say "Hold on, I have to do..." insert mundane task here.  It's never important either!  I am just always pushing her away, telling her to wait. 

The past few days I have tried really hard not to make her wait.  I drop what I'm doing and just hold her.  Yesterday we cuddled on the couch while Otis napped and I made up dumb stories about sparkly unicorns.  She looked up at me and said "I love you so much, mom."  Oh dear.  I have to make more time for her.  I have to!  The floor will still be dirty in twenty minutes, the laundry will still be there to fold after we play or cuddle or just read books.  Perspective, Amber!  Remember all those nights where I didn't want to rock her to sleep because I was tired?  And I said she's only going to be this age once?  Well the same thing applies here and I have forgotten that.  She will only be almost-three once, and I have to enjoy these cuddly moments so I can look back upon them fondly when she's rolling her eyes at me every ten seconds in ten years. 

So you guys will have to hold on while I go play with my daughter.  Hold on, I'll be right there. 

Guess What??

Chicken Butt!

Haha, we got a book from the library last week called Chicken Butt.  Ingrid thinks it's funny to say "You know what?  heehee, chickbutt!"  I love toddlers' senses of humor.

But no, seriously, the guess what is for this--we're ready to try for #2!!  This weekend, the weekend of crabiness and yelling, we actually had a conversation about babies.  Brendan always thinks we should wait.  With Ingrid he wanted to wait until he was done with school, which I am so glad I would not agree to, seeing as Ingrid was almost one by the time he was actually done.  This time he wanted to wait until he got a job.  I said cool, it'll be this spring.  Then he decided to stay at his job another year, so I figured we could start now.  He kept saying later, later, in the fall.  Why?  Who knows. 

And I am always the one that says no, let's just go for it now.  Especially after having Ingrid at the time we did.  We thought Brendan would have one year of grad school left, and that it would take six months or so for me to get pregnant.  I have PCOS so I thought it would take forever.  With that thinking, we started trying the summer before Brendan's last year of school.  I got pregnant on the first try, and he had to stay in school an extra semester.  We lived with his parents and it was crazy, but you know what?  I wouldn't change it.  We had a great support system for the first few months, it made us really ready to move on from Milwaukee and try something new, and I honestly don't know how it would've been to be in our own place with a newborn.  It was nice to have his parents pop in upstairs every once in awhile.

So now, of course I was thinking the day he figured he'd stay another year that we could start trying for baby #2.  You know, I'll get pregnant this spring, have a baby in late winter, and then we can move with a 2 1/2 year old and a newborn next spring.  Instead of having a 2 1/2 year old and being insanely hugely pregnant...And saying that made Brendan realize, once again, that I'm right :)  So we're trying.  Hooray!

It's funny how much Ingrid picks up on things.  Every time we see a baby I say oh, don't you want a baby?  You could be a big sister!  You could be my helper and sing to the baby!  So after her nap today she says "Mama, I need to be a big sister.  I need to sing Rockabye Baby to the baby."  Ha!  I'm totally brainwashing my child into thinking she needs a sibling.  Hopefully she'll still feel that way if we get one!