Family Size

We had the talk last night.  Are we done, for sure, having kids??  I think we are.  Brendan is anyway.  I'm about 80% sure.  And when we were deciding on whether or not to have another after Ingrid, I was 80% sure I wanted one.  So...I think we're done. 

I have to wrap my mind around that one.

A few people I know are pregnant right now for number 3, and even though Otis is still a baby, I was a little envious when I found out.  Then I found out another friend is pregnant for number 2 and she got pregnant when her baby was Otis' age.  Sigh...I hate being pregnant, I'm remembering last summer how sick I was, how miserable I was in the heat even though I wasn't big.  How life seemed to stop while I laid on the couch for months at a time.  And let's not forget the whole three week hospital bedrest ordeal!  And yet I'm envious of pregnant women??  What's that all about?

We were dead set on having an only child, and I do have to say I'm glad we changed our minds.  Watching Ingrid be a big sister is amazing, she loves to make Otis laugh and talks baby talk to him.  Yesterday morning she got up and said "Where's my Otis boy?"  And Otis is nothing but smiles for his big sister, even though she's not gentle with him at all.  He gets smacked in the face by her foot or gets a hug that suffocates him, and all he does is gurgles and smiles like it's the best thing in the world.

So another one?  I could do it.  I loved this past six months with Otis.  Using the Moby, nursing him, sharing a bed with him.  He's now settling down for naps on his own, bedtime on his own, he can sit in his Bumbo for a half hour or so at a time, or on his play gym and be content while I get things done.  By the time another Bub would be here, he'd be walking and eating solid food and would be a toddler!  So yeah, I could do it.

But Brendan says he doesn't want to.  And I can see the pros of being done now.  I could finally lose all the weight I've gained birthin' babies.  Ingrid will be off to school soon and it'll be just me and the Fat Man.  We can sort of travel right now, we have a parent for each child so it makes it easier to keep an eye on them.  It's kind of like we have the best of both worlds--our kids each have a sibling and we still have a relatively calm household. 

It's just hard to say never.  I've heard women say they just knew when they were done, they knew their families were complete.  I don't have that gut reaction, I could still imagine another one.  But I also am enjoying our new life back in Milwaukee, the idea of buying a house and making it our home.  I don't really want to be pregnant for another one.  So, I guess we're done. 

Cry Baby.

I'm having a serious issue here, people.  Otis is a cryer.  He has to be held at all times, night included.  At first I was okay with it, he was so small and new and I believe babies cry to communicate they need something, not just to cry.  We never really let Ingrid cry much, I always always went in to get her or give her whatever she needed, I still do actually.  And Brendan and I talked about it a lot, since he was more prone to let her cry, let her soothe herself.  I always always said no way, I won't abandon my baby.

We just had that talk again about Otis.  He is a clingy baby, for sure.  I don't remember Ingrid ever being that needy.  I wear Otis in the Ergo or sling 90% of the time, or put him in his bouncy chair if he's sleeping peacefully.  But lately he falls asleep in my arms and when I set him down, he starts screaming.  So I pick him up, he falls back asleep.  It gets a little tiring.  And it's not really practical for me to be holding him all the time.  I have another kid to take care of, I have my own personal needs, like eating and going to the bathroom and showering.  And frankly, I don't always want to wear or hold him.  Wearing him is better than holding him, as I have both hands, but I still can't always do what I need to do, especially amidst all the unpacking we're doing right now.

So yesterday and today I have been going crazy because it starts at 4am.  He cries, I pick him up, feed him, change the diaper, and he falls alseep.  Until I lay him down, even right next to me in the bed.  This goes on all day long.  He cried in the car seat, he cried in Target, he cried when I made lunch, he cried when I was trying to do something for Ingrid.  I'm trying to multitask, but come on!  Give a mama a break, just be quiet for like two seconds while I get stuff done!

Just now I had him laying in his crib while I sewed, he was fine for awhile.  I was really close to finishing something so I just let him cry for a bit while I got done.  And what do you know?  He fell fast asleep, he's still sleeping right now, he looks really peaceful and has been quiet for more than 15 minutes!!  I hate the idea of letting him cry but it seemed to work. 

HA!  No it didn't, he's up again...What do I do??  How do you balance a needy kid and everything else???

So Well Put...

I just read this story over here about how bodies can be sexual and also practical, and it just cracked me up.  The part about shaking hands and thinking of the people masturbating with the hands is so funny and SO TRUE!!  And it made me feel better about this whole after baby/sex thing.  Honestly I feel no urge to do it again, being that I am a milk cow on call 24/7, but this changed my point of view a bit.  I can be a mom and have sex, I just have to compartmentalize.  My husband will be happy to hear that.

Third Trimester Already??

That's right, I'm almost 29 weeks.  Last time I went to the midwife she gave me a packet of papers for birthing options, hospital tours, and parking passes for the big day.  It kinda freaked me out--it's not that time yet!

Things around here are good, but hectic.  Brendan has had a few interviews and has another major one coming up on Monday.  He's off to Milwaukee again for a second interview for a job he really wants, and they are hiring like right now so if he were to get it, what does that mean??  Not only are the holidays coming up but so is a brand new baby.  Makes moving a little tough, you know?

Otis has been moving around like crazy, doing flips and rolls and making my belly look quite crazy.  Brendan is so funny, he just does not get into the pregnancy thing at all.  I could sit and stare at my moving belly for hours, while he touches it once, feels a move, and immediately grabs his hand back.  I laughed at him and said what's the big deal?  He said he knows in his head it's okay but he feels like he's going to hurt the baby or something.  By putting a hand on my belly.  If he saw how Ingrid treats me he wouldn't be so worried...She is constantly climbing on me and elbowing me in the belly, or hitting me or poking her finger as far as it will go (not far) into my belly button. 

Yesterday we got some new pjs for Ingrid at the consignment store--they have "Big Sister" on the shirt, she was SO excited to put them on as soon as we got home.  She seems excited to be a big sister but who knows what that means in her tiny noggin!!  Hopefully she'll be okay when Otis gets here but that's another thing to think about--she's going to have a new brother and move to a new house right on top of each other...Two major things at once, hard enough for adults, much harder for kids.  Nothing I can do about it now, though, is there? 

So that's that, more of the same.  Thinking about jobs, moving, babies, being sick, stressed, and trying to enjoy life as usual while we are in this limbo...

Oh my god, like, the mall!!

I never shop at malls, ever.  Not since a long long time ago when I had extra cash and would go to H&M or Old Navy, or maybe get some shoes from a department store.  But the past few poor years of my life I've stuck to Target or the thrift stores.  But now I'm pregnant.  And I need a new bra.  And I'm not going to thrift that.  So, off to the mall I go.

I'm actually looking forward to it just for the pure fact of it being such an oddity.  At a thrift store you have to dig, at a mall you have things displayed for you.  How novel!  Instead of searching for the maternity section (which only has the most god awful pants from 1995) there is a whole store devoted to pregnant ladies!  Just imagine!

Also, after having found out the gender of bub #2, and seeing there are big sales at the kid stores, I'm going to have fun looking for a boy.  I was like this when pregnant with Ingrid, too--even if I didn't have a ton of money, I bought things because hey, I'm pregnant and uncomfortable and tired and having a shitty week and I need some retail therapy.  I know buying things won't make me happier, but you know what will?  Not busting out of my bra!! 

So I'm, like, totally off to the mall today!  I feel like such a teenager, if not for the fact I'll be dragging along a 2yr old with plenty of snacks and games to keep her occupied.  Who am I kidding, that is an American teenager these days, isn't it?

It's A....

BOY!!  In case you care, I have ultrasound pics posted on my other blog.  A boy, I am so excited!  Otis Robert, due January 30th, 2011.  Yay!

Preparing for the Bub

Well, I am officially in maternity clothes.  I tried a big skirt a few days ago and when I sat down I felt like my uterus was being smooshed.  So, elastic waist, here I come!  I love wearing maternity clothes for the most part anyway, I never had a hard time adjusting to them.  I always have a poochy belly that doesn't fit right into regular pants so to not have to camouflage it is heaven!

Today Ingrid and I went to the local cloth diaper store and looked for some prefolds.  I have had a hell of a time getting some used off diaperswappers.com!  If you order them brand spankin' new for a dozen, they are usually around $27 with shipping.  Some people wanted $29 for their used ones!  Maybe they are crazy good ones, but still, I am not paying more for used than for new, thank you very much.  Anyway, today I found 18 little wee newborn prefolds for 60cents a piece!  Considering these may only work for a month or so, hooray for savings! 

I also looked through the baby section at Target yesterday.  How on earth do people not find out the gender beforehand??  You used to be able to get gender neutral green or yellow but now every single thing is pink pink pink or blue blue blue.  Even when I knew I was having a girl I hated to buy pink, so that really bums me out that you can't even get green stuff anymore.  Or if it is green it has flowers and ruffles.  Sheesh, not all girls are frilly.  Luckily we are good thrifters in our house, so we have a couple boxes of teeny shirts and gowns and footed pjs to get us through the first month or so.  They look so tiny!!  Ingrid kept holding things up to her saying she was going to wear it, I don't think she quite gets that she isn't the baby I'm talking of anymore!!

Other than that, we aren't really feeling the need to prepare too much more.  A friend has a car seat and bassinet, we already have a couple slings, and I know how to make blankets :)  Plus, what's the point of preparing much in our house if we're not going to be here?  Brendan just informed me that his job will be done in February so he'll have to have a new one lined up by then.  I looked at him dumbfounded--"You do realize I am due January 30th, right?"  His job, by the way, will most likely NOT be in the town in which we currently reside.  Which means a big move out of state either being immensely pregnant or with a very newly born baby.  Gulp.  I am not sure how to take this, as I was under the impression we were going to be here until spring, giving me at least a couple months to get used to two kids before having to schlep them to a new house...

So, preparing what I can right now is all I can do.  Diapers, gowns, and tshirts.  The rest we'll figure out later!

Three Cheers for Ingrid! And Babies!

After a harrowing first night of no nuks, we are now settling into our new big girl routine.  Ingrid has stopped asking for her nuks for the most part, except when she wakes up at 5am.  After reminding her we don't have them anymore, she calms down and goes back to sleep for another hour, although I'm not able to.  Oh well.  Better than screaming for hours, right?

There was even a nap yesterday, how amazing is that? 

This just goes to show that I think we parents make more of a deal of things than the kids do.  I was SO worried about how it would go, SO worried that Ingrid would have a really hard time with this transition.  I was the same with her giving up bottles, and her crib, and both of those times it was a short couple days of getting used to things and then back to normal.  Kids are pretty resilient. 

In other news, I think I felt a wee kick in my belly this weekend.  I'm a little over 15 weeks so I'm not sure I'm supposed to feel it yet, but I swear it wasn't gas, it was in the same spot way down low where I know my uterus is, and since I know what it feels like from Ingrid, I don't think I'm imagining it!  This is exciting, because I was just starting to get that feeling that I'm not really pregnant, I'm really just fat and lazy and tired and sick.  This first part where you don't look pregnant and there's nothing going on internally to remind you you're pregnant is so hard!  It's hard to be excited, it's hard to think of the positives.  But when that kicking starts, oh boy!  All the sudden it comes crashing down--there is a human being in there.  That is so strange and cool!

Making Babies is Hard Work!

I am about nine weeks along and the sickness is getting to me.  At first it was a little nausea, but if I ate it would go away.  Ginger chews would work well, as did donuts!  Now, however, it's just this sickness hanging around me all day.  I'm totally tired, unmotivated, don't want to move.  Poor Ingrid!

I've tried to keep busy, thinking if I just keep moving I'll distract myself.  It works sometimes, but today I got up ready to go go go and I puked.  And afterward could not move a muscle for two hours.  For real, I have to do three more weeks of this???

I hated being pregnant with Ingrid and swore up and down I'd never do it again.  Yet somehow these weeks at the beginning that go SO SLOWLY and are so uncomfortable were forgotten.  All I could remember was the cute little belly, the kicks, and the baby at the end.  These next three weeks cannot go fast enough!  Here I come, second trimester!