Formula vs. Breast Milk

When I first had Otis, I was determined to only feed him breastmilk.  However, with him being in the NICU and me not having any milk come in for four days, I said it was okay to give him a little formula.  But my main source of nutrition was still to be the mama milk that came flowing in days later.  For the most part I was able to use my pumped milk, but I did supplement with formula.  At the time, Otis was so tiny and needed to gain weight and they told me his formula was higher in calorie content so he needed it.  I'm okay with that in the short term, I saw how he got when we had him home the first week.  He wasn't strong enough to nurse, he needed to be bottle fed.  Fine.

But now, weeks later, the fat man is almost six pounds and strong as can be.  I would technically be 37wks along if I were still pregnant and he'd be considered full term.  So why is it that the doctor was determined Otis needed high calorie formula to gain weight??  I had to go to the NICU to get special preemie formula they don't sell at the stores, the doctor was adamant he needed the extra calories.  I asked if he could still get breast milk and she said he really should be getting formula. 

However, me being me, I stuck to giving him the breast milk and only used the formula bottles for midnight feedings, so maybe two feedings a day were the formula.  And what do you know, he gained more than he needed to this past weekend!  So you can take your high calorie formula and shove it...

I am not against formula, I fed Ingrid the stuff for a year.  But I hate the idea of telling women they have to use it for their baby to grow.  Last time I checked breast milk was made specifically for babies. 

Facebook had a nurse in last week and I posted a picture of myself nursing Otis, with a caption saying he's a preemie and nursed right out of the NICU.  Someone posted how her friend had a preemie and was told over and over she HAD to use high calorie formula for her kid.  It just got me thinking this is probably a common occurence and that makes me sad.  I want to know exactly how much better preemies do at gaining weight with formula vs. breast milk.  Anyone know?  I'll have to look it up.

Anyway, my bub is doing fine, he's getting fatter and stronger by the day, and it's all thanks to my mama milk that I lovingly pump every four hours.  Not the stinky, staining Enfamil they sent me home with, thank you very much.

Another Post About My Boobs.

Otis is home!!  We got to get him last night, and he has done really well today.  He is much easier to wake now, he stays alert for longer periods of time, and he is eating so well.  I still have to pump to make sure my milk supply gets better, but I also get to nurse him, which is still pretty awesome.  Afterward we have to supplement with a bottle to make sure he gets enough, but it's nice I'm allowed to nurse him.  At the NICU yesterday a mom was asking to nurse her daughter and they told her she'd have to see how her daughter's heart rate was first.  How sad, to not be able to do what you want with your kids.  It's so hard.

But little man is doing well, I'm making more milk already today, and that Mother's Milk tea is actually pretty tasty, so I don't mind drinking a couple cups a day.  If I can just get through this next couple weeks until Otis is at his due date and hopefully catches up to being a "normal" kid, things will be smooth sailing!!

Pumping Sucks.

Ha!  Get it?  Pumping sucks?  True on so many levels...

Anyway, Otis ended up back in the NICU last week with a really low temp and no weight gain.  So I'm back to pumping milk to bring to him at the hospital.  Yesterday I met with the lactation consultant and she told me how much milk I'm supposed to be producing and I cringed.  I'm not doing so well apparently.  I tend to get busy and let time slip by and before I know it, five hours has passed between sessions.  Today I have made it my goal to pump every two and a half hours. 

That takes up my whole freakin' day!!  By the time I'm done and clean up my supplies, it's almost time to do it again.  I can see why people give up so easily in the early days and just go to bottles!  But I am determined to get this thing established so I can nurse Otis when he gets home.  DETERMINED!!  That is one thing the L.C. told me was that it's more about the mom sticking to it than actual milk supply.  If you want to nurse, you usually can.  It's just about being willing to give up your days to the demand of sitting there hooked up like a milk cow...

Luckily Ingrid is enthralled with the pump and wants to help.  She loves to plug in the tubes and "turn on the noise" and if I do it without her she has a fit!  What a strange little girl!  First she's obsessed with cloth wipes, now she's obsessed with breast pumps :)  What am I doing to my poor child??  She is always talking about boob milk and baby milk and feeding her babies with her boobs, it's so funny to hear her.  I guess that's what happens when you're open and honest about things with your kids! 

Hopefully Otis will be released today or tomorrow (they keep pushing it back one more day...) and then I won't have to pump anymore.  I cannot wait until this kid is fat enough to take home and strong enough to eat what he needs to!  I keep forgetting how tiny he really is.  My due date isn't for another 26 days, so I need to remember that.  But he'll make it, and we'll have a long time to nurse after he comes home. 

Oh Nursing, How I Love You.

Oops, I forgot about this blog for awhile...But I've had stuff going on, forgive me.  First of all, Otis is here!  He came December 16th at 33wks and 4days.  Read all about it here.  He stayed in the NICU for four days and then was discharged just in time for Christmas!! 

Things have been going really well, he's a good sleeper and overall very mellow.  He barely opens an eye when his big sister screams an inch from his face.  But the best thing is that he has taken to breast feeding like a champ!  The first week was hard, we supplemented with formula while he was in the hospital and I had to pump every three hours to make sure my milk came in.  It did.  He still didn't get latching on though, so I was using bottles.  I hated it.  I hated having to pump, I hated the whole washing twenty pieces of plastic and sterilizing them and then being able to finally feed the poor kid. 

But now, almost two weeks later, Otis is latching on and feeding.  Sigh of relief!  It is the most amazing thing ever.  I didn't nurse Ingrid, and I never felt like I was missing out on anything.  We certainly bonded just fine, and I always rocked with her when I gave her a bottle, she never was just given a bottle to hold by herself.  But...this is different.  Feeling every little tug, knowing I'm making this milk just for him, when he needs it.  I feel a lot more emotional about it than I thought I would.  To me, nursing this time around was just going to be cheaper.  But I will be sitting there on the couch with Otis attached to me and I just smile.  I don't know if it's just crazy hormones or what, but it makes me feel so happy that I can do this for him, I can nourish him. 

I love that I can just hold him and feed him without any extra preperation.  No bottles to mix, formula to measure, nothing to fumble around with.  At 2am when he starts squawking, I just lift him from his bassinet and feed him, no big deal.  If we're out and about and he gets hungry, I can feed him, whether I forgot the diaper bag or not.   Cheap, convenient, and it makes me happy.  Can't go wrong with that, can you?  I just wish I had known what I was missing with Ingrid...

Pros and Cons

I've been in the hospital for a week and a half now, halfway there to 34 weeks!  I'm getting sick of it and then someone comes in to make my bed with fresh sheets and I realize it's not all bad...So to make myself feel better, here's a list of pros:

1. People bringing me food.  And water, and juice, and snacks if I so desire.
2. People bringing me fresh towels and sheets.
3. Getting to nap throughout the day, whenever I feel tired. 
4. Not having to chase around a 2 yr old or hear "play with me, Mama!!"
5. No dishes to do or floors to sweep!
6. Time to do crafty stuff or read books. 
7. Full control of the remote control, with no husband turning it to football or daughter begging for cartoons.

However, I must vent as well.

1. People coming in every four hours to take my temperature, blood pressure, and to ask me the same stupid questions over and over and over even though I have never once answered yes to any of them.
2. 5:30am non stress tests for baby.  Seriously, they have to do it at 5am?? I'm here all day long.
3. Eating the same food every day.  I've tried pretty much everything on the menu and there are some things that are good, some that are disgusting, so I now only have a few choices of things to eat. 
4. Eating in bed, by myself.  That's kind of depressing...I miss family dinners with my little family.
5. Only seeing Brendan and Ingrid for an hour at a time, and most of the time Ingrid is going nuts being confined to a little hospital room where she gets told not to touch anything (there are wires everywhere and what 2yr old doesn't want to grab wires??)
6. Feeling that I could do this at home just as well, and then being told my amniotic fluid is too low for me to go home.  And then being told low amniotic fluid isn't going to cause any problems.  So why can't I lay in bed at home then?

Someday this will be something I'll throw in Otis' face when he's giving me grief "I layed in a hospital bed for three weeks for you!"  But for now it's just a frustration.  Which will pass, and then we'll have a wee baby to coo over. 

I Miss My Baby

I've been in the hospital now for six days.  Ingrid came to visit the first day but then my mom took her over to the other side of the state.  I can't remember if we've ever been apart for more than a few days.  It sucks.  Brendan is picking her up tomorrow but she can't even come visit because she's been sick with a stomach virus that's going around and I can't have her get me sick.  So another day will go by. 

I talked to her every day and it was good and bad.  Good because she barely had time for me, she was so busy and having so much fun with Gramma.  It snowed over there so she got to make snow angels and go "skiing" (sledding!) and play with dollhouses and toys we don't have at home.  It was bad because--she barely had time for me!!  Hi mama, I'm playing, bye mama, blow kiss!  I know 2 1/2 yr olds aren't the best phone talkers but come on, your ol' mom needs more than that! 

No, really I'd rather she is having so much fun with Gramma.  I couldn't bear to hear she had been crying the whole time.  But I do feel a bit useless.  Boohoo, poor me.  It's just late and I barely sleep here in the hospital and I miss my girl.  And as much as I want to see her tomorrow, I really don't want a stomach virus anywhere near me...I have enough to worry about without adding that!!  One day at a time, soon I'll be home again and be lamenting on how hard it is to take care of two, or how she's driving me nuts with her constant energy when I just want a nap. 

And Then There are These Days...

Long story short, woke up at 2am, water has broken.  I'm 31 weeks along.  In the hospital trying to keep Otis in for three more weeks.  Hospital bedrest until he decides to come out.  Bored out of my mind already!  It's been 12 hours, I have a possible three weeks of this?  For slightly more info, I did a post on my other blog.

Hope your day is going better than mine :)