Tummy Time is Bullsh*t.

I just thought I'd let you all know that I have done about ten minutes total of tummy time with Otis in the past five months.  My doctor said I had to do fifteen minutes a day with him, all the books say you have to do it with them, moms talk all about tummy time.  And I just ignored everyone and didn't do it.  Just never got around to it. 

Do you think my son has a jelly neck and can't hold up his head?  Is he going to walk around with his head drooping on his chest forever?  Have I done something detrimental to him? 

Nope. 

We were at the children's museum last week and they have a little baby area.  I put Otis down on his belly in front of the mirror and up popped his little head, strong as can be.  He just stared at himself in the mirror, drooled all over, and cooed.  Just like any other baby at five months.  And then he rolled right over back to his back and went about his day.

I put him in the Moby and hold him up on my chest and do all sorts of other things where he has to hold his head up so why would I put him on the floor and listen to him scream for fifteen minutes a day? 

I'm not saying no one should ever do tummy time with their kid or judging you if you do it.  I'm just sick of so much worrying!!  It's so hard to be a mom and then you have doctors and books telling you what to do and telling you bad things will happen if you don't do them.  I wish we could turn off all the outside noise and follow our motherly instincts and just live.  And enjoy our happy children instead of worrying about all the terrors in the world. 

Wow, how did this go from tummy time to that?  Whatever, it's early rambling but there it is.  I think tummy time is bullshit. 

Formula vs. Breast Milk

When I first had Otis, I was determined to only feed him breastmilk.  However, with him being in the NICU and me not having any milk come in for four days, I said it was okay to give him a little formula.  But my main source of nutrition was still to be the mama milk that came flowing in days later.  For the most part I was able to use my pumped milk, but I did supplement with formula.  At the time, Otis was so tiny and needed to gain weight and they told me his formula was higher in calorie content so he needed it.  I'm okay with that in the short term, I saw how he got when we had him home the first week.  He wasn't strong enough to nurse, he needed to be bottle fed.  Fine.

But now, weeks later, the fat man is almost six pounds and strong as can be.  I would technically be 37wks along if I were still pregnant and he'd be considered full term.  So why is it that the doctor was determined Otis needed high calorie formula to gain weight??  I had to go to the NICU to get special preemie formula they don't sell at the stores, the doctor was adamant he needed the extra calories.  I asked if he could still get breast milk and she said he really should be getting formula. 

However, me being me, I stuck to giving him the breast milk and only used the formula bottles for midnight feedings, so maybe two feedings a day were the formula.  And what do you know, he gained more than he needed to this past weekend!  So you can take your high calorie formula and shove it...

I am not against formula, I fed Ingrid the stuff for a year.  But I hate the idea of telling women they have to use it for their baby to grow.  Last time I checked breast milk was made specifically for babies. 

Facebook had a nurse in last week and I posted a picture of myself nursing Otis, with a caption saying he's a preemie and nursed right out of the NICU.  Someone posted how her friend had a preemie and was told over and over she HAD to use high calorie formula for her kid.  It just got me thinking this is probably a common occurence and that makes me sad.  I want to know exactly how much better preemies do at gaining weight with formula vs. breast milk.  Anyone know?  I'll have to look it up.

Anyway, my bub is doing fine, he's getting fatter and stronger by the day, and it's all thanks to my mama milk that I lovingly pump every four hours.  Not the stinky, staining Enfamil they sent me home with, thank you very much.

Hosptial Craziness.

Friday night I ended up in the hospital and I just got home yesterday.  It was completely unexpected and completely crazy!

I was sick all last week with a sore throat, swollen glands, I couldn't swallow.  It sucked.  But I've had that before, it goes away, life goes on.  However, this time it wasn't going away.  Five days of not being able to eat or drink anything and I was at the end of my rope.  So, Brendan drove me to the ER when he got home from work Friday night. 

I felt like they were going to laugh at me and just tell me I had a sore throat and to deal with it, but right away the triage nurse was concerned and called a doctor to come see me.  He threw around some terms and said get her an IV right away and get her to a bed.  So I was brought back to a bed, put on a gown, and given some fluids by IV.  Doctors came in, nurses bustled around, and they all seemed really concerned.  I ended up getting a CT scan of my head and throat so they could see where the infection was and what was going on.

After the scan they made the diagnosis that I had an infected thyroglossal duct cyst.  Apparently when the thyroid is forming in utero, it starts at the back of the mouth and travels down to where it will stay in the throat.  Then the track disappears and everything's normal.  Unless the track doesn't disappear, in which case it forms a cyst which can and will become infected.  So I found out at age 33 I have a birth defect!  It was so crazy to me, because I have had this happen a number of times in the past 15 years but no one ever knew what caused it.  I was just relieved to finally know what the hell was going on!

They wanted to admit me but found out my insurance wouldn't cover a stay at that hospital, so I had to be transported by ambulance to the other local hospital.  Right beforehand the nurse insisted I take some morphine to help with the pain.  So I was totally drugged up, riding around in an ambulance on a Friday night.  Not what I had planned for at all!

At the other hospital they pumped me full of steroids to take down the neck swelling, and antibiotics.  And more drugs.  I have to say, I can see how people could become addicted to pain meds, they make you feel all nice and warm and dozy!  I slept awhile, finally got a hold of Brendan, who had taken Ingrid home by then to put her to bed, and in the morning I was moved to a room.  I was admitted into the hospital and stayed for 24 hours, being given antibiotics and steroids. 

I felt so much better after a few hours!!  I could finally swallow, which meant I could finally eat after five or so days of eating yogurt.  I had more energy, I got some sleep, I was ready to go home.  Brendan took Ingrid to come see me and it was so hard to hear her yelling "I need my mama!!" as they left the room to go home.  I couldn't take it, I wanted to be home.  So they let me go Sunday afternoon.  I went home, felt like crap, and by the time I woke up Monday morning I was completely swollen and unable to swallow.  Again.  So I had to go to the hospital.  Again.

I got to a room, got hooked up to more IVs, more antibiotics, more doctors coming in asking me questions.  I met with some Ear Nose and Throat doctors and we scheduled a surgery for the end of May.  I went back to the room, had to listen to my 80 yr old roommate tell anyone and everyone that she just had an enema, and tried to rest.  This time I couldn't so well.  I just kept thinking of Ingrid and how sad she was.  My mom came to take care of her and she said Ingrid just kept saying "Mama's at the hospital, mama's sick.  Mama go to the doctor."  For some reason, that just killed me. 

With another 24 hours of antibiotics I felt much better.  I got released yesterday afternoon and I am feeling okay.  Weak, still have a sore throat, and I got a cold on top of all this!!  But better.  On the mend.  And I'm home, thank god.  I got to sleep in my own bed last night, it was amazing.

Now, though, I have so much on my mind.  We are moving in a week and a half, so I have to pack up the house.  After we move we obviously have to then unpack at the new house.  Then Ingrid's birthday is in May, so we're having a party for her.  But somewhere in there they want me to have surgery and a 2 week recovery period.  I am completely stressing thinking about all the stuff that needs to happen in the next month!  No fun.

Ah, Heavenly Sleep.

Ingrid's napping right now as I type this.  Hooray!!

Yesterday she did not, but I rolled with it, took her out and let her play, and then around 3pm when she looked really tired I put her in bed with her glow worm and some books and she was quiet for an hour.  Hooray!!

Also yesterday, she sliced her finger open on a can lid and we had to go to the ER.  You can read all about it here.  No fun, but thank god she didn't need stitches or anything.  And she doesn't seem to be in any pain today.  Whew.

Last night she was back in our bed, but you know what, whatever.  I know I need to be consistent but I also know I could not physically deal with another night of crying.  After no naps for two days and broken sleep at night, and a trip to the ER, I was just too exhausted to care if she was in our bed or not.  I'm rolling, see?

Anyway, today is a good day.  We played in the snow, made banana bread, took a nap.  I'm going to go sew right now, we may bake some spelt cookies, we'll probably watch Yo Gabba Gabba.  And hopefully we won't end up in the ER again tonight. 

CoSleeping is Pretty Cozy

Yep, another post about sleeping.  Sorry, everyone, but it's a major thing here right now--did we get any?  How much did we get?  Who slept where?  How does that affect our mood? 

Last night and the night before Ingrid fell asleep in her bed, woke up as we were going to bed, and begged to go in our bed with us.  It's funny, she is absolutely screaming and crying and snotting and wailing "mamamamaamamma" and the second I go into her room she stands up and, with no hint of the previous crying, says "Bed?" and points to our room.  Drama queen.

So last night she slept with me, all cuddled up and kicking my bladder and making static sparks with her pjs and blanket.  We fell asleep right away, which I'm realizing doesn't happen often for me.  She, and Brendan, can hit the pillow asleep, but I take awhile usually.  However, with my little lady all curled up by me, I drifted off in no time and we both slept the whole night through.  Brendan came in as he was leaving for work to say goodbye, he actually had to wake us up!  We said bye and then laid in the cozy bed as the cats came up to say good morning and sniff us, and it hit me how awesome that is. 

When Ingrid was in her crib and crying every hour or so, I got no sleep, obviously.  And hearing her cry made me feel crappy.  And having to get up out of bed and go to her was annoying (and cold.)  Having her in bed with us is so warm and cozy and I sleep so much better.  I'm so glad she finally sleeps in our bed!  It seems counterintuitive but I really wanted her to be able to cosleep so those nights she was upset I could bring her in. 

Our doctor tried to tell us at our last appointment that if we wanted to sleep we'd have to take two weeks to let her cry it out.  "It'll take a long time but it will be worth it."  Inside I was cringing and rolling my eyes, but I just nodded and said uh huh.  And we really did do that once or twice, and she fell asleep...for an hour or two.  Nothing has made her sleep through the night quite like being snuggled between mama and daddy.  Take that, doctors.