So Well Put...

I just read this story over here about how bodies can be sexual and also practical, and it just cracked me up.  The part about shaking hands and thinking of the people masturbating with the hands is so funny and SO TRUE!!  And it made me feel better about this whole after baby/sex thing.  Honestly I feel no urge to do it again, being that I am a milk cow on call 24/7, but this changed my point of view a bit.  I can be a mom and have sex, I just have to compartmentalize.  My husband will be happy to hear that.

Things I'm Lovin' Right Now

1. Ingrid's imagination.  She will sit with her toys and just have the best conversations with herself.  I've overheard her feeding her baby doll and saying "How many pounces did you eat, baby?  Oh, eleven thirty pounces?  Good!"  Also heard, when playing with her robot doll, in a monotone voice, "I AM A ROBOT.  I AM A ROBOT."  Yesterday we brought up the fire truck from the basement and she played rescue animals all afternoon.  I love that she can entertain herself so well!

2. Our new Bummis wrap.  It's small enough for Otis but it's got plenty of room for him to grow.  Our prefolds fit so nicely in it and it's cute and green with colorful dots all over.  I'm loving our prefolds in general.  We got some Bum Genuius XSs that are good, but last night showed me why I hate AIOs.  I thought they were dry but apparently they weren't, so we ended up having to change Otis' clothes three times in the middle of the night because they'd gotten soaked.  If I put something in the dryer for 80 MINUTES!!!  I expect it to be dry when it comes out! 

3. My family.  Last night after dinner Brendan was playing with Ingrid and I was sewing.  We had music on, a really bad 80s channel, and lots of bad songs came on, which we sang along to and Ingrid danced.  I just love our evenings when we hang out before bedtime.

4. Not being homeless!!  Brendan just found out yesterday that he can stay at his job for a couple more months while he's searching for his new job.  It's a pay cut but it's way better than the nothing we were planning on having in a couple weeks!  And we get to keep our health insurance, which is the biggest relief ever.  Brendan has had a couple phone interviews and next week he has one in Missouri.  Not sure what we think of moving there but a job is a job. 

5. This pattern.  I love it!  A friend got it for me and I've made a few pairs now.  It's so easy and so cute and the sizes are big enough for Ingrid.  I made a pair for her the other day that turned out huge, so I'll be able to use the pattern for awhile for her!  Yay.  It felt really good to sew again.

Weight.

Otis is gaining weight, he was over six pounds on Thursday!  Today is our last doctor appointment, can't wait to see what he weighs today.  He's been eating a TON, he has no lack of appetite.  Brendan and I can't get over how fat his face has become.  Still has skinny chicken legs but his head looks enormous now! 

I am hopefully not gaining weight, lol!  I didn't gain a ton with the pregnancy and when I went to a doctor's appointment a couple weeks ago I was at my prepregnancy weight.  Although that was still 15 pounds over what I should be...I forget how hard it is to switch from "eating for two" to eating just for myself again!  I never felt bad about a donut here or there while pregnant, it's not the same afterward!

And weighing heavy on my mind is where our future is headed.  Brendan has two weeks left of his job, then who knows?  He has been steadily applying to jobs, he has had interviews aplenty, but no job offers.  We have a backup plan of sorts, but it is not a happy one.  It involves borrowing money and living at my mom's.  In a small town in the middle of nowhere!  It involves getting our kids on state health care so we can still take them to the doctor.  We will not have health insurance, so I can't get sick, and we can't have any accidents.  I certainly cannot end up back in the hospital!!  It's a scary unknown time and I'm trying to think positively but it's hard.

For now I'll just stare at my two adorable kids and enjoy them.  I'll leave the job stuff up to Brendan and just think about money stuff later.  There's always time to worry about that, I will procrastinate with the worrying!  It's all about priorities, right?  My priority right now is to enjoy my family.

Formula vs. Breast Milk

When I first had Otis, I was determined to only feed him breastmilk.  However, with him being in the NICU and me not having any milk come in for four days, I said it was okay to give him a little formula.  But my main source of nutrition was still to be the mama milk that came flowing in days later.  For the most part I was able to use my pumped milk, but I did supplement with formula.  At the time, Otis was so tiny and needed to gain weight and they told me his formula was higher in calorie content so he needed it.  I'm okay with that in the short term, I saw how he got when we had him home the first week.  He wasn't strong enough to nurse, he needed to be bottle fed.  Fine.

But now, weeks later, the fat man is almost six pounds and strong as can be.  I would technically be 37wks along if I were still pregnant and he'd be considered full term.  So why is it that the doctor was determined Otis needed high calorie formula to gain weight??  I had to go to the NICU to get special preemie formula they don't sell at the stores, the doctor was adamant he needed the extra calories.  I asked if he could still get breast milk and she said he really should be getting formula. 

However, me being me, I stuck to giving him the breast milk and only used the formula bottles for midnight feedings, so maybe two feedings a day were the formula.  And what do you know, he gained more than he needed to this past weekend!  So you can take your high calorie formula and shove it...

I am not against formula, I fed Ingrid the stuff for a year.  But I hate the idea of telling women they have to use it for their baby to grow.  Last time I checked breast milk was made specifically for babies. 

Facebook had a nurse in last week and I posted a picture of myself nursing Otis, with a caption saying he's a preemie and nursed right out of the NICU.  Someone posted how her friend had a preemie and was told over and over she HAD to use high calorie formula for her kid.  It just got me thinking this is probably a common occurence and that makes me sad.  I want to know exactly how much better preemies do at gaining weight with formula vs. breast milk.  Anyone know?  I'll have to look it up.

Anyway, my bub is doing fine, he's getting fatter and stronger by the day, and it's all thanks to my mama milk that I lovingly pump every four hours.  Not the stinky, staining Enfamil they sent me home with, thank you very much.

Another Post About My Boobs.

Otis is home!!  We got to get him last night, and he has done really well today.  He is much easier to wake now, he stays alert for longer periods of time, and he is eating so well.  I still have to pump to make sure my milk supply gets better, but I also get to nurse him, which is still pretty awesome.  Afterward we have to supplement with a bottle to make sure he gets enough, but it's nice I'm allowed to nurse him.  At the NICU yesterday a mom was asking to nurse her daughter and they told her she'd have to see how her daughter's heart rate was first.  How sad, to not be able to do what you want with your kids.  It's so hard.

But little man is doing well, I'm making more milk already today, and that Mother's Milk tea is actually pretty tasty, so I don't mind drinking a couple cups a day.  If I can just get through this next couple weeks until Otis is at his due date and hopefully catches up to being a "normal" kid, things will be smooth sailing!!

Pumping Sucks.

Ha!  Get it?  Pumping sucks?  True on so many levels...

Anyway, Otis ended up back in the NICU last week with a really low temp and no weight gain.  So I'm back to pumping milk to bring to him at the hospital.  Yesterday I met with the lactation consultant and she told me how much milk I'm supposed to be producing and I cringed.  I'm not doing so well apparently.  I tend to get busy and let time slip by and before I know it, five hours has passed between sessions.  Today I have made it my goal to pump every two and a half hours. 

That takes up my whole freakin' day!!  By the time I'm done and clean up my supplies, it's almost time to do it again.  I can see why people give up so easily in the early days and just go to bottles!  But I am determined to get this thing established so I can nurse Otis when he gets home.  DETERMINED!!  That is one thing the L.C. told me was that it's more about the mom sticking to it than actual milk supply.  If you want to nurse, you usually can.  It's just about being willing to give up your days to the demand of sitting there hooked up like a milk cow...

Luckily Ingrid is enthralled with the pump and wants to help.  She loves to plug in the tubes and "turn on the noise" and if I do it without her she has a fit!  What a strange little girl!  First she's obsessed with cloth wipes, now she's obsessed with breast pumps :)  What am I doing to my poor child??  She is always talking about boob milk and baby milk and feeding her babies with her boobs, it's so funny to hear her.  I guess that's what happens when you're open and honest about things with your kids! 

Hopefully Otis will be released today or tomorrow (they keep pushing it back one more day...) and then I won't have to pump anymore.  I cannot wait until this kid is fat enough to take home and strong enough to eat what he needs to!  I keep forgetting how tiny he really is.  My due date isn't for another 26 days, so I need to remember that.  But he'll make it, and we'll have a long time to nurse after he comes home.