You're Driving Me Crazy!!

Ingrid has been very whiny and demanding lately. She is very into "I do it!" and "No, go this way!" Which I love because she's such an independant little spitfire. However, it also drives me nuts sometimes.

This morning after hearing her throw yet another tantrum because I wouldn't let her grab my sharp sewing scissors or play with the rotary cutter (what a horrible mom I am, I know) I said, "Aah! You are driving me crazy!" Brendan said "You say that all the time. Maybe this isn't working? You staying at home with Ingrid?"

I was completely dumbfounded. How on earth could he think it wasn't working, me staying at home? Does he not know that I love my job as a stay at home mom?? Does my husband really not know me at all? Yes, I say Ingrid drives me crazy a lot, because--she drives me crazy, A LOT! But that doesn't mean I don't like to be around her. I do, I just can't stand this whiny, tantrum phase she's going through. (It's just a phase, right?!)

Anyway, it got me thinking about how I voice my opinion on everything. I wonder what it's like to be my husband, having to deal with me and my gab. I complain a lot, even when something doesn't really bother me all that much. I just say stuff, without really thinking about it. So, in that second that Ingrid was crying, I said she drove me crazy. And in the moment that she cuddles up on me I say I love you SO SO MUCH! They balance each other out, don't they? I think I say more positive things than negative, but now I have to stop and think about it.

I'm always trying to be calmer and more positive, I guess this is one of those things I have to work on. Less "you drive me crazy" and more "I love you so much."

Berlin

On the side of my Facebook page there was an ad for Urban Apartments Berlin.  After looking at the website I am longing for an adventure!!

Brendan and I got engaged in Germany.  Our trip was awesome--we met a friend in Cologne, stayed with him and his family in Duesseldorf for a night, then we all drove to some small town where they were getting married.  After that we took the train to Berlin, where we stayed in a friend of a friend's apartment.  It was amazing--everything was so close by, we had an S-Bahn station right around the corner, and it was free.  We offered to pay money but were told a bottle of wine and a thank you would suffice.  After that we went to Prague and stayed at a hostel (we were definitely too old to enjoy it properly...) and then we went to Munich and stayed at another friend of a friend. 

The whole trip was amazing because, although I'd been to Germany a couple times before that, Brendan never had.  So we got to travel together and see things together.  And the other times I'd been there I didn't do much, just hung out with my friend Heike and her friends.  Not a lot of sightseeing was done!  This time we got to go to museums and churches and parks.  And it was so great that people that didn't even know us would let us stay at their apartments.  I thought that was the most amazing thing--they just opened up their houses to us.  And at the place in Munich we met some neighbors.  The woman was German and the man was from none other than Madison, Wisconsin!  It really is a small world!! 

Anyway, back to the apartments in Berlin.  I looked at some of them and recognized where some of them were.  And they aren't that expensive.  Suddenly the daydream of just jumping on a plane to Berlin and staying with Ingrid and Brendan in a little flat was in my head.  We'd suddenly remember our never used German skills, we'd get coffee and pastries for breakfast.  We'd buy cute German things for Ingrid.  We'd hop on and off the trams and trains like old pros.  We'd show Ingrid a different place and have a great time as a little family. 

Ahhhh, sounds awesome! 

But, alas, we have no money and have to think about moving soon.  I should be saving all our money instead of daydreaming away our savings on imaginary plane tickets and cute Berlin apartments.  Blah.  It's not fun being responsible sometimes...

Growing Up Too Quickly...

I feel like Ingrid is growing up too quickly.  Everything seems to have flown by.  She's not even two yet and already she's this little chatterbox who's singing full songs and telling us she needs to go to the bathroom.  Where'd my baby go?? 

She has been going on the potty all day today, no diapers except just now when I put her down for her nap.  We even went on a walk and she stayed dry and went when we got home!  We're totally following her lead, she just started to tell us she had to go, so we bring her.  And she goes.  And gets the hugest smile on her face, you can tell how proud of herself she is!  It's amazing!

And singing, oh man.  That kid loves to sing!  She likes the Five Little Monkeys song right now, and can sing pretty much every word.  And Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, although you can't understand half the words she says.  She gets the tune right, though. 

She also talks in full sentences and is pretty good at articulating her words.  Some kind of run together but mostly you can understand her. 

She's not a baby...

I am proud of her for doing all these things, for counting to 10 and saying her ABCs and reciting her books, but I feel like it's all happening too quickly.  I want to have a cuddly baby still!  She was so behind on crawling and walking, and then bam, she went full force from baby to preschooler!  At least that's how it seems sometimes.

But, because she's almost out of diapers and finally pretty much sleeping through the night (until her teeth want to bother her again I suppose) I feel ready for baby #2.  When we visited our friend and I had her baby and then had Ingrid hanging on me, I swore up and down I didn't want that and I was staying with one kid.  Yesterday those friends came over, and the baby is now 6 months old.  Ingrid went right up and said "Hi, cute baby!" and was all in her face.  I wanted to try out the mei tai I'd made so I strapped the baby in, and it felt so good!  And Ingrid was hanging on my leg but I was imagining it for real and it didn't scare me so much.  I know it would be hard, but I feel like I can see past the first few months of it being that way to when it would be a little easier as the baby grows, and as Ingrid grows. 

And then that baby will grow up too quickly and I'll sigh and wonder where the time went...

Any News?

Nope.  Things are still the same here.  Day after day of waking to Ingrid calling, "Mama?  Mama?"  Getting the coffee made, being bleary eyed while she reads her books and colors--always with the white crayon...

It's snowed and we've managed to make it out and play a couple times.  I really hate it but Ingrid could spend hours sitting in the snow, stomping on ice, splashing in puddles.  I'm so glad Brendan likes outside things like that.  I hated sledding as a kid, I will not take her to do those types of things.  Which is why I'm grateful for my husband!

This week we have not left the house once.  Brendan has taken the car all week and we've kept ourselves busy at home.  Lots of sewing, baking, whining, playing, sleeping, watching Yo Gabba Gabba.  The usual.

Brendan has sent out his resume to a few places, though, so every day I hope he hears something.  From anyone, just give me a hint where we'll end up!  It's really hard to daydream when I don't know where we'll be...help a sister out.

We are planning a trip to Milwaukee, just the two of us!  My mom will watch Ingrid and we're taking a train back and seeing friends and having adult time.  Hooray!!  Thank god for grammas, am I right? 

And now today we finally get the car and are off to a Valentine's themed playdate.  How exciting!  Getting out of the house!!  Which means I have to go take Brendan to the bus stop.  Hope your day goes well :)

And the Winner Is........

Comment #4 Sunnymama!!

My scientific way of doing this, yelling to my husband last night to pick a number between one and seven.  He chose four.  Then I thought maybe that wasn't the most random way to do it so I put seven slips of paper in a bowl and had Ingrid choose one.  Guess what number came up?  Four!  It's your destiny, Sunnymama!

Congratulations!

What a Difference a Day Makes...

This weekend sucked. Big time.  Ingrid is getting molars and is snotty, crabby, and not sleeping.  But I won't talk about sleep because it's the same old story--we're not getting any and I get pissy about it!  But then she'll sleep and I'll think we're through the worst of it and congratulate myself for getting over it, and then she won't sleep and I'll feel like I will never once get a full night sleep in my life...

However, this weekend also saw the return of yelly mama.  Not pretty, by anyone's standards.  I screamed more than once at Ingrid to pick up toys, and I'm not proud.  There is something so infuriating about her smirk she gives me when I say let's pick up.  She looks at me, turns away, and blatantly ignores me.  It just drives me crazy!  It's also my time to be a woman, and I forgot to take my pills for a couple days, we haven't gotten sleep, all leading to a very yelly mama. 

I hate when I get like that.  Why can't it be my nature to just be mellow and relax and not get upset?  But it's my nature to grab Ingrid and yell at her and force her to pick up, which really just makes her cry, makes my husband upset, and makes me cry and hate myself.  I have to tell myself to calm down and find another way, breathe, relax, be gentle and calm and kind.  It doesn't come naturally, and this weekend it didn't come at all.

I really don't want to get in the habit of yelling at Ingrid, I want to be that kinder, gentler person.  So I told myself no more yelling, no more going nuts, no more power struggles, no more!!  I calmed down, she calmed down, and when she woke up crying and wouldn't let me go last night, I laid on the couch in her room and just rubbed her back, listened to her breathe, and cherished the time I had to do this with her.  Someday she won't want me around, I am going to enjoy her wanting me even though it means I'm scrunched up on a love seat with a 30 lb. baby with her arms wrapped so tightly around my neck I can barely breathe. 

This morning I awoke with a new determination to get back to my better self.  And it has really been a great morning.  We've colored and Ingrid helped me wipe off the counter in the bathroom.  We made yummy oatmeal cookies with lots of cloves in them, and we read tons of books.  I have not once yelled at her, she has not once had a tantrum, and we are having a peaceful day.