Where Will We End Up???

Brendan and I have been talking a lot about jobs again lately. He officially has 5 months left at his fellowship and has been looking at jobs to see what's out there. And every time he finds one, my brain goes off into daydream mode and I think about where we'll live, what we'll do there, what kind of house we could find in our budget, etc.

The past couple weeks have gone from Colorado, where I would LOVE to live, to Holland, MI, where I grew up. Hmmm. Colorado is gorgeous, there's a lab in Golden so we'd live close to Denver but not in the city. One of my best friends is nearby in Arvada, the mountains are right there, we'd be able to go do real hiking whenever we wanted. Plus, Denver is close, there are direct flights to both Grand Rapids so I could see my family, and Milwaukee so we could visit Brendan's parents and our friends. Perfect!

But then Brendan said something about a professor job at Hope College, which is in my hometown of Holland. I HATED growing up there!!! I could not wait to get the hell out of there when I was 18!! It was horrible to live there. But then I thought of it from an adult perspective and I think it would be okay to live there with a family. We could live right downtown in a cool old house, walk to parks and shopping, I have a couple friends from high school with little girls the same age as Ingrid. Family is right there, which is a blessing and a curse. The beach is there, good camping is close by. We could get a babysitter without any trouble, as my sister is always willing to watch Ingrid :)

How can I possibly go from Colorado to Holland, Michigan, in a span of a couple days?? It's amazing to me that I can really find the positives in any place Brendan brings up. I think it would be harder if he said he found a job in the middle of nowhere in Texas or something, but so far I have been pretty okay with anywhere he says. He even said something about being here for an extra six months if he would get a job that started next fall and I was okay with that, too. I don't really love it here, but the other night we went out to dinner with some friends and I realized it's just where we live. Ann Arbor itself is pretty cool, if not a bit expensive. It's super cute, though, and if we were to live closer to things, I think I'd really like it. And I do love the friends I've made here, and I'm always meeting more moms and if I knew I was staying I'd put even more effort out there to be part of things.

I guess it's cool that I can see myself living anywhere, but sometimes I wish I had more of a pull to be somewhere specific. I feel kind of lost right now, like we're totally just floating here for now, and I know that my family is my home and wherever Brendan and Ingrid are is where I belong, but I want a home. I'm sick of feeling like we're only here for a few more months, then I don't know where we'll be. I don't mind renting, but it would be nice if I could feel like it's worth putting effort into making our apartment cozy. Right now I just feel like what's the point? We'll just be moving soon anyway...blah. Hopefully Brendan will start getting some interviews and we'll figure all this out. Having no control over it is tough, but since I don't really want to be the breadwinner for our family, I'll leave it all up to Brendan to get a job he likes :)