Oh Nursing, How I Love You.

Oops, I forgot about this blog for awhile...But I've had stuff going on, forgive me.  First of all, Otis is here!  He came December 16th at 33wks and 4days.  Read all about it here.  He stayed in the NICU for four days and then was discharged just in time for Christmas!! 

Things have been going really well, he's a good sleeper and overall very mellow.  He barely opens an eye when his big sister screams an inch from his face.  But the best thing is that he has taken to breast feeding like a champ!  The first week was hard, we supplemented with formula while he was in the hospital and I had to pump every three hours to make sure my milk came in.  It did.  He still didn't get latching on though, so I was using bottles.  I hated it.  I hated having to pump, I hated the whole washing twenty pieces of plastic and sterilizing them and then being able to finally feed the poor kid. 

But now, almost two weeks later, Otis is latching on and feeding.  Sigh of relief!  It is the most amazing thing ever.  I didn't nurse Ingrid, and I never felt like I was missing out on anything.  We certainly bonded just fine, and I always rocked with her when I gave her a bottle, she never was just given a bottle to hold by herself.  But...this is different.  Feeling every little tug, knowing I'm making this milk just for him, when he needs it.  I feel a lot more emotional about it than I thought I would.  To me, nursing this time around was just going to be cheaper.  But I will be sitting there on the couch with Otis attached to me and I just smile.  I don't know if it's just crazy hormones or what, but it makes me feel so happy that I can do this for him, I can nourish him. 

I love that I can just hold him and feed him without any extra preperation.  No bottles to mix, formula to measure, nothing to fumble around with.  At 2am when he starts squawking, I just lift him from his bassinet and feed him, no big deal.  If we're out and about and he gets hungry, I can feed him, whether I forgot the diaper bag or not.   Cheap, convenient, and it makes me happy.  Can't go wrong with that, can you?  I just wish I had known what I was missing with Ingrid...

Pros and Cons

I've been in the hospital for a week and a half now, halfway there to 34 weeks!  I'm getting sick of it and then someone comes in to make my bed with fresh sheets and I realize it's not all bad...So to make myself feel better, here's a list of pros:

1. People bringing me food.  And water, and juice, and snacks if I so desire.
2. People bringing me fresh towels and sheets.
3. Getting to nap throughout the day, whenever I feel tired. 
4. Not having to chase around a 2 yr old or hear "play with me, Mama!!"
5. No dishes to do or floors to sweep!
6. Time to do crafty stuff or read books. 
7. Full control of the remote control, with no husband turning it to football or daughter begging for cartoons.

However, I must vent as well.

1. People coming in every four hours to take my temperature, blood pressure, and to ask me the same stupid questions over and over and over even though I have never once answered yes to any of them.
2. 5:30am non stress tests for baby.  Seriously, they have to do it at 5am?? I'm here all day long.
3. Eating the same food every day.  I've tried pretty much everything on the menu and there are some things that are good, some that are disgusting, so I now only have a few choices of things to eat. 
4. Eating in bed, by myself.  That's kind of depressing...I miss family dinners with my little family.
5. Only seeing Brendan and Ingrid for an hour at a time, and most of the time Ingrid is going nuts being confined to a little hospital room where she gets told not to touch anything (there are wires everywhere and what 2yr old doesn't want to grab wires??)
6. Feeling that I could do this at home just as well, and then being told my amniotic fluid is too low for me to go home.  And then being told low amniotic fluid isn't going to cause any problems.  So why can't I lay in bed at home then?

Someday this will be something I'll throw in Otis' face when he's giving me grief "I layed in a hospital bed for three weeks for you!"  But for now it's just a frustration.  Which will pass, and then we'll have a wee baby to coo over. 

I Miss My Baby

I've been in the hospital now for six days.  Ingrid came to visit the first day but then my mom took her over to the other side of the state.  I can't remember if we've ever been apart for more than a few days.  It sucks.  Brendan is picking her up tomorrow but she can't even come visit because she's been sick with a stomach virus that's going around and I can't have her get me sick.  So another day will go by. 

I talked to her every day and it was good and bad.  Good because she barely had time for me, she was so busy and having so much fun with Gramma.  It snowed over there so she got to make snow angels and go "skiing" (sledding!) and play with dollhouses and toys we don't have at home.  It was bad because--she barely had time for me!!  Hi mama, I'm playing, bye mama, blow kiss!  I know 2 1/2 yr olds aren't the best phone talkers but come on, your ol' mom needs more than that! 

No, really I'd rather she is having so much fun with Gramma.  I couldn't bear to hear she had been crying the whole time.  But I do feel a bit useless.  Boohoo, poor me.  It's just late and I barely sleep here in the hospital and I miss my girl.  And as much as I want to see her tomorrow, I really don't want a stomach virus anywhere near me...I have enough to worry about without adding that!!  One day at a time, soon I'll be home again and be lamenting on how hard it is to take care of two, or how she's driving me nuts with her constant energy when I just want a nap.