The Mold Attacks!

Last night I found that there was mold covering almost everything in our basement.  We have not only storage down there, but we've put a play room down there with almost every single toy we own for Ingrid!  So I had to get some bleach water and rags and scrub down what I could.  Unfortunately about half the toys had to go. 

I was sad about the talking Lola doll.  She had black all over her poor face and I couldn't wash her because she's got batteries.  Into the trash...along with a few other stuffed things that were beyond washing.  Her kitchen got a nice scrubbing but still smells pretty bad so I think we may have to get rid of that too.  Half her fake food went into the garbage, and some books were pretty nasty, too. 

After a couple hours of scrubbing and probably inhaling more bleach and mold spores than is healthy for a pregnant woman, I had all the toys out of the basement and put away upstairs.  The good thing is that Ingrid hasn't played with these toys for some time, as we've spent so much time outside in the sun.  So bringing up the toys that would stay was like getting all new toys to her!  She has kept busy all morning.  And it's nice that I cleaned something in this house and got to reorganize things that had been slipping into disaster zone. 

Unfortunately some of our belongings were hit, too.  We had to throw out the baby backpack, which was broken anyway, so not too huge of a deal.  A sleeping bag sack is disgusting but hopefully the expensive sleeping bag is unharmed.  Our backpacks luckily were not in harm's way, and all the baby stuff we have accumulated was thankfully in plastic bins and is okay.  When we were in Milwaukee last week we saw the devastation of everyone's basements flooding, so I felt lucky that we could at least salvage half of what we had down there.  And I'm feeling lucky that none of my sewing stuff was harmed!!  That really would have killed me!

So now another day of reorganizing and downsizing and we have a clean living room with a new sewing nook, and Ingrid has a new room with all her toys stashed away nicely.  It was nice to have a playroom but it will be nice to let her play in her room, too.  As long as she still has a place to store her toys without me having to step on them every two seconds, I'm okay!

Quit Selling Me Stuff!

I just got my issues of The Mother magazine, and Mothering magazine.  To look at them side by side is funny.  It totally made me realize that even though Mothering is geared toward a more natural hippy dippy kind of parent, they still are a big magazine that have to run ads to make it happen.  So while Parents magazine has ads for Pampers and expensive strollers, Mothering has ads for Bum Genius and expensive baby carriers.  But they're still the same--selling me things I don't need!! 

I remember when I learned about slings and I wanted to get one on a limited budget.  Some of them were pretty expensive but I always saw how you could make your own.  I never did.  I spent the money and got a ridiculously expensive Hotslings pouch, which I love, but now that I know I didn't have to fork over that much...sheesh.  And my Ergo, I just had to have one but never could fathom spending over a hundred dollars on one.  The only reason I have one?  I found one at the thrift store for $8!! 

It was the same with cloth diapers--I went the inexpensive route at first, got some used fitteds and some covers, they worked just fine and kept Ingrid dry.  But it wasn't enough.  I had to get the newest FuzziBunz, in cute colors.  I had to try the Bum Genius, and even though I hated the velcro, I still ended up with seven of them!  They don't work any better than what I had, but I thought I had to have more. 

Isn't that what I'm trying not to do?  Aren't I trying to live with what I have and be happy with what I have?  Aren't I trying to teach Ingrid that it's what we do that makes us happy, not what we own?  But dammit, you see these glossy ads in magazines and think your life would be so much better if you just had a different diaper, a better wrap, another glass bottle with bpa free nipple.  Or that organic cotton whatever that costs five times more than I can afford.

What can you do, we live in a material based culture.  It's up to me to figure out that I can read the articles and enjoy them while ignoring the ads and knowing I don't have to have every little thing that's out there, it will not, in fact, make my life easier or my baby happier.  It's so easy to get sucked into it though!!   

Not So Good Mom Day...

Actually it's been weeks since I've felt like a good mom but today was horrible.  And it's only 3pm.  I haven't been taking my meds lately with all the puking going on, so I'm on edge.  I know you're not supposed to just stop altogether taking them, you're supposed to ease off them, and I didn't.  So I have been really bitchy and yelly and just having no patience.  On top of being sick and exhausted and getting fatter every day.  No good.

Today was the wakeup call--again--that I need to refocus on my parenting skills.  I remember these blissful times of baking with Ingrid, letting her make a mess, walking at a snail's pace letting her take in every part of nature she wanted.  I remember crafting with her, reading to her, playing with her, and her being happy.  I haven't felt that way in a long time. 

Lately it has been yelling at her to move her ass up the stairs before she pees her pants again, or to get back in bed for the fifth time and just go to sleep already, or to put down that cherry she's smearing all over the couch.  Our walks are hurried because it's hot and I'm wanting to go lay on the couch again.  I grab her arm and probably hurt her and why?  Because I'm focused on my needs and what I want to do at that moment.  I want to get around the block in less than a half hour, so I grab her, tell her to walk, make her cry, and feel like shit.

Today she would not take a nap because she said she had to poop.  But that is a worn out stall tactic most days, so I told her to go back to bed.  She got her toys, I took them away, she got her books, I took them away.  It was an hour of me yelling at her to get back in bed and close her eyes and go to sleep.  She just WOULD NOT do it!!!  I almost lost it, I just wanted to scream (who am I kidding, I did scream...)  So one more time in her room yelling, she cried and then started saying "I sorry mama, I sorry!"  I broke down in tears and hugged her and let her get out of the bed.  She clearly was not going to nap, why fight it?  And wouldn't you know, five minutes later she's running to the bathroom needing to poo--she hadn't been stalling at all. 

But how am I supposed to know that????  It's the boy who cried wolf, completely!  She says it every day at naptime, every night at bedtime, and it's only true about 5% of the time! 

Anyway, I feel like shit for all the yelling, I feel like I stopped being an attached parent somewhere along the way.  Now that she's not so dependent on me I just let her go about her way, forgetting she still needs me to listen to her and that our relationship can only be happy if we are both involved in it.  Why can't I remember this?  Why do I let things get out of hand and then have to come to this realization every few months? 

Feeling Okay.

The weather has been gorgeous the past couple days.  Today I finally had the strength to go outside and do something.  It's funny, I was so nauseated before but not throwing up, and now I'm throwing up but otherwise fine.  Which is better?  To me I guess this next stage is--throw up once in the morning, feel tons better, and go about my day.  Sorry, TMI, but there you go. 

Anyway, today was great, after I finally got my ass out of bed.  We had to go to the library so I threw on my tennis shoes and put Ingrid in the stroller and we walked the mile or so to the downtown library.  It's great to walk down Main Street and see all the outdoor cafes, everyone biking and enjoying the sun.  We got our new books and then went to get a sub for lunch.  After that we walked toward home.

On the way home I saw this enormous yard sale with loads of stuff, so I had to check it out.  Ingrid was drawn magically to the kiddie sized drum set and spent the majority of the time drumming on it while all the people there said oh, she sure does like that!  I think you should get it for her!  Yeah right, you want me to live with a 2 year old and drum kit??  Right.  I bypassed the drums and found a couple cool vintage sheets.  What more could I ask for from a sunny summery day?

We then walked home for naptime and now I'm contemplating what to do this afternoon.  I love feeling okay!  I know tomorrow morning I'll be puking again, but for now I feel alright and I can take Ingrid out to have fun instead of begging her to just go read her books or go in the playroom for awhile while mommy lays half dead on the couch.  Poor kid, she's really gonna get the shit end of this new baby stick, isn't she?