Man, is there something in the air? Or perhaps our water? This weekend was awful, both Brendan and I were so crabby. This may or may not have led to Ingrid being equally crabby, which in turn made us both more crabby. Nice little circle of events, no?
Honestly I can't even remember what set me off, but I was so pissy and then Ingrid says "I sorry, Mama" and I almost started crying. She takes it so personally when we get yelly, and now that she can say things like she's sorry it's making me realize how much we have to try to talk like adults and be at least civil to each other.
It's hard to be an adult. At one point I let the sarcasm flow and my voice got louder and louder, and then Ingrid looked over at me and it just broke my heart. I don't want to teach her to be like that. One of the things I've always prided myself on is that I like to settle things in an adult manner, with conversations and give and take. No petty yelling and swearing and throwing things, no real fighting, just issues and trying to talk through them. This weekend I forgot about all that...
So my goal for this week is to try and return to being a nicer mom, a nicer wife, someone people would want to live with. No more rolling eyes (well, I'll try anyway) no more getting mad that things weren't done my way. I actually yelled at Brendan for running the dishwasher without putting enough dishes in it. He said I was just trying to help and I got mad that he didn't help in the right way. I still think it was silly to run it, but I certainly didn't have to yell at him.
Back to being calm, gentle, nurturing. I somehow have lost my way with that, but hopefully I can get back on track. Tomorrow we're going to take a picnic by the lake, and bake bread, and maybe try to sew a dress for a friend's birthday. Things are looking up!
2 weeks ago