The Beginning of the End

I think my time as a nursing mom is coming to an end.  After three months of on and off strikes, supplementing with bottles, and worrying if my supply is down, if Otis is getting enough, etc, we are now down to one nursing a day, er night.  Just the night feeding is me, the other two are bottles. 

I have mixed feelings.  Brendan asked me if I was sad when I told him I hadn't nursed the whole day and I thought it was maybe going to be the end of breastfeeding.  I'm not sad really.  I don't really know what I feel.  I kind of feel like a failure for not making it a year.  I kind of feel like I should be trying harder, which means I'm giving up, and no one wants to be a quitter.

But then I feel like it just doesn't matter that much.  Otis is growing and healthy and has had nine months of mama milk.  I know it's kind of a cop out, but that's better than nothing right?  It's just getting so stressful, worrying if he's getting anything, watching him suck at what seems to be an empty breast.  Pumping and getting nothing, and then getting confused because should that tell me I'm right that I might not have much milk coming in, or should I not pay attention to pumping because it's not like the real thing?

Blah.  I don't know.  It's easier to breastfeed, for sure, but then it's kind of nice looking at that bottle, seeing it go from 8oz to 6 to 4 to empty, knowing he's got a full belly.  It's strange not actually feeling him eating, though.  I just see his mouth working but I don't feel it!  It's very strange. 

How long did your kids nurse?  Did you ever slow down like this and then pick back up, or when it went down to one nursing, did it stay that way?