On Strike

Well, it seems Otis is on a nursing strike.  Today after his first feeding after he got up, he refused to nurse every single time.  Blech.  I just hate it!  He gets all fussy and then when I try to feed him, he dives in and seconds later is screaming his head off because my letdown is slow.  I try to stay calm and get him to try a little harder but it just pisses him off more.  So after about fifteen minutes of this, off to the kitchen I go to make a bottle...and then he just sucks it down in no time at all and falls asleep or lets out a big burp and a smile.

So.

I want to nurse him for at least a year, that has been my goal.  And I really love to be able to feed him and have it be so easy and without needing anything but a nursing bra.  I looked online and there are all these women talking about how their kids did the same thing and it makes me feel better that I'm not the only one.  The doctor even said it was really normal for babies his age to start to resist because of teeth and just their newfound awareness of the exciting world around them.  Okay, it's normal, sigh of relief. 

But then...I read what the women end up doing to get through the strike and some of these women are pumping every three hours for months at a time and giving them breast milk in a syringe and all this craziness.  Am I selfish for really really not wanting to do that?  I did the whole pumping thing and I hated it.  I was hooked up to that thing all the time, and I swore once I didn't have to do it anymore, I never would.  But here I was today pumping three times.  And swearing the whole time.

So, how much do I want to continue?  And why am I even worrying so much?  He's getting fed, he seems happy and healthy no matter where it's coming from, shouldn't that be the most important thing?  But I have all these hang ups like I'm failing if I don't try harder to keep him going.  And then I think f**k it, isn't it better to feed him and see him calmed down than trying to nurse him and watching him scream?

I guess I'll just keep trying to nurse first, then if he really gets upset give him a bottle.  And hopefully he will get over it and we'll go about our merry way and nurse for another year.